A Gift is my Namesake

A co-worker of mine came up to me last week and said "I saw the pictures on Facebook of you and a new baby. Why does your family have so many babies?" Now this could be seen as rude but English is not Fernando's first language and he is a Mormon who is pro-family. I knew he was really angling to find out if welcoming children was based on faith. We had a great conversation that hit both our faith in God and the gift that fertility and children are.

Baby E's burp cloth made at the baby shower

Each child is a gift, an image and likeness of God, shared with the world. How awesome is that? How could that ever be a bad thing? Those pictures on Facebook were in celebration of the newest gift to our family, the newest gift entrusted to Heather and Will, to raise so she will know, love and honor her creator. And I was asked to be there to participate in her transition from womb to the world. Every birth has it's own character and dimensions. Heather's labor was moving quickly and when I arrived at the hospital she had decided that she wanted pain medication and was longing for an epidural. But her labor progressed quickly. I was so in awe of Heather's focus on following the directions she was given by the medical staff, all while being at that internal place that pain brings you. She surprised herself by powering through and bringing this new gift to us without anything to numb the pain. The euphoria of birth is powerful and I was blessed to have been present. Will and Heather are beautiful parents, who graciously and intentionally receive God's gift.

Elizabeth Clementine Jauquet

Our whole family gets excited about a new baby and at our labor day gathering we asked Will and Heather if they had chosen a name. After some clues from little John and guesses from the crowd we learned that her nickname would be Ellie. Then I tried to guess her full name, finally Heather said she's your namesake: Elizabeth. I didn't guess it and the term namesake sat oddly with me. I am thrilled there is someone to carry the name Elizabeth Jauquet, again. I love the name. Then at her birth, with her big purple checks and sweet mouth and tongue, Heather asked if I wanted to hold my namesake. Yes! But again the term namesake sat strangely. The realization that it wasn't just that we would share a name both biblical and common in our family but that Will and Heather named this little gift after me, filled me with emotions that were an unfamiliar mix. I felt proud and honored and unworthy.

Ellie is such a unique expression of God's hope and goodness. She feels like a gift to me at a time when my feelings on more children are getting complicated. My desire for that most intimate experience of pregnancy is no less, my yearning to be an instrument in God's creation is no less but they feel like desires that can no longer be. They feel like something to mourn the loss of. They feel like wants that I know will not get to be. I guess being forty and having a full house and schedule have moved the idea of growing our family to the unrealistic. With the sense of loss, it was especially wonderful to experience Ellie's birth. It lifted my mood and gave me a vision of seeing more babies born. More children to be vessels of God's grace.

Johanna marveling at Ellie in utero