Emma at 23

My firstborn has been out of the house for years now and still I feel her presence. The sight of a cup of milk causes her little voice to echo in my ears saying "my milk cup".  Items in a row bring me back to her duplo blocks lined up on the toy box asking Jim to make a train noise. The turquoise blanket throws me into her middle school years, and jeans in the hand me down bin hurl me into her high school years. I love the unprompted moments to experience her, despite not being in her regular presence. They are all good memories, even the memories of hard moments, because they are memories with her in them and thinking of Emma brings me joy. I am so glad we are still making memories together.

Emma is now 23. She lives in Baltimore City with two roommates and is working in the Maryland State Parks as a Ranger. It is fun to see her grow in her job and see her pride as she adds skills like tree felling, arc welding, and bobcat driving. In the fall she got to use her art education to run a series of hike and paint programs. This was a a program I really wanted to attend. She didn't want me to join the first one but I did attend one a few weeks in.

Painting En Plein Air was so fun and sparked some dormant art muscles that I hadn't stretched in a long time. I do artistic things regularly but it had been years since I had painted a real picture. It was a thrill to see how much my kids have helped me develop and become who I am. In each phase of being a mother, my girls have prompted me to expand and grow and enjoy and thrive. Giving and loving makes us become more fully who God designed. It is a treat to see how my daughters cooperate with this divine plan for me personally and an even bigger delight to see them step toward God's beautiful design.

I love to see and talk to Emma when we get the chance but I do wish it were more. I also wish she used the names of the people in her life when she tells stories. She shares things but always with a generic "co-worker" or "roommate" or "friend". It makes it hard to feel engaged in her life.  But I also see and hear Emma reflect fondly on her childhood and our relationship. She said that the song "The Best Day" by Taylor Swift always makes her cry and there is something in that reality that I hold onto. We are moving forward together and it is different but each day with you is still the best.

I had the best day with you today.

Our Newest Driver

 Sept 19, 2021

      With senior year off to a semi-stable start, it was time to check another notch toward independence. Megan had been practicing driving, back and forth to work all summer and the initial fear and anxiety had faded. Megan was feeling pretty ready. Some aspects of driving came easier than others but she was getting the hang of it. With the pandemic waning we decided to prioritize scheduling her driver's test. The pandemic version of the test had been simplified and focused mainly on parking but without a parallel parking requirement. Megan had proved that she had good parking skills and seemed to have a natural spatial understanding.

Everything went smoothly, and despite some nervousness, Megan passed without much trouble. 

We aren't quite ready for her to take the car out on her own yet. We want her to have a little more road practice but she'll be be out on her own soon.

Harry Styles

Sept 7, 2021

Pandemic induced insanity, that is the only reason I can think of to explain that when my girls asked if we could buy tickets to see Harry Styles in concert, I said yes.  It was smack in the middle of virtual school depression,  October 2020, everything was canceled, and we just needed something to look forward to.  But in saying yes, it snowballed. there were no tickets available nearby, but saying no wasn't even in my head. I found tickets to the Denver show a year in the future and a concert turned into a plane trip, and missing some school. Rachael wasn't as keen on Harry and decided to sit this trip out. Emma, Megan and Bridget and I would be going on an adventure, with the hope that the pandemic would be over. Never in a non-pandemic world do I think this would have happened. It half didn't seem real. I bought tickets but half expected by January that it would get canceled. Other shows got canceled, other artists canceled whole tours but the Harry Styles Denver show survived.

Over the summer we bought the plane tickets, as the virus waned and vaccinations were available. Harry Styles sent out an update and said everyone needed to be vaccinated or show a negative COVID test to attend the concert. Summer came to an end and all of a sudden we were packing to fly. The girls picked out fabric and I sewed new masks for the concert.

PawPaw and Grandma Kate were so accommodating. PawPaw picked us up from the airport after a very early flight. We visited and napped, or at least rested. I don't think Megan slept in the preceding 24 hours and was still too keyed up to sleep. Bill made a special effort to come over right after school to join us for a dinner of burgers and a veggie burger for Bridget. After our early dinner we got ready for the concert and Pawpaw then drove us into the city to Ball Arena.

The crowd was fantastic. There were lots of fun outfits, because Harry is known as a fashion icon and his fans have followed his lead. It was easy to move through the crowd and showing our vaccine cards was pretty straight forward. Our digital tickets wouldn't scan so we had to take a few minutes getting scanned in. We made it and the reality of being at a real in person concert kept the girls' energy palpable. I had so much fun watching their excitement. This was Bridget's first concert and it was a big one.

The venue was great and the opening act was fantastic. The crowd really responded to her and made for a poignant moment when she was a little over whelmed. Our seats, despite being the cheap seats were really good. We had the front row of the top section and could see really well.

Harry Styles came out and a thrill went through the crowd. The energy filled the stadium and the music carried us along. Harry was a little hoarse, and I was concerned, but he gave a great concert. He said that he had hiked the flat irons that day and I suspect the wild fire smoke irritated his throat. But Harry was a professional and pulled back at some parts letting the crowd carry the lyric but hit the high notes that mattered. I kept looking over at the girls and they were engaged in every song. It was a high point. 

When it ended, we lingered. We pre-booked an Uber to get us home at a scheduled time, so we had a few minutes to wait, and just sat in the euphoria of an unexpected experience, one that we had been afraid to hope for and always knew it could have been taken away. In the late night summer air we watched the crowd thin out, we climbed into our Uber after making sure we had the right ride. We sat awkwardly as he had to resync his system, but as soon as we got going we were wisked back to Littleton and to the comfort of Grandma Kate and PawPaw's house. Grandma was on the couch waiting to let us in. The energy of the night was still vibrating through the girls and again I don't think Megan slept much, but I crashed solidly.

I woke up in perfect time to go to morning Mass with PawPaw and when we got back the girls started waking up. We visited and packed up and had lunch gathered around the dining room table. It was relaxed and comfortable to just visit. Grandma shared that she had wanted to rent a bigger car just so she could make the drive to and from the airport with us. She sent us off with love and prayers and PawPaw made the drive back out to DIA. and just like that the whirlwind had us heading home again.

Back to School 2021

 We thought going back to school full-time in-person was a sure thing as Covid-19 infections went down dramatically over the summer, and then Delta arrived. This variant is more easily transmissible and areas with low vaccination rates saw huge upswings in infections and deaths. The school year was again in jeopardy. Nationally mask mandates in school became the hot topic, and we were lucky that most parents in MD saw them as a measure that could save the in-person school year. And the kids were happy to wear them if it meant that they could go into school again.

Bridget started back first. She had 3 days of orientation and then began her freshman year at Mount de Sales. She is enrolled in the Sacred Heart Program for learning disabilities. Class of  2025

Johanna had a new family orientation at St. Mark School and began 3rd Grade. Her teacher is Sr. Teresa Leimbach.

Megan helped out with freshman orientation as a member of Comet Culture  and then began her Senior year at Catonsville High School. She started the year in the dark for Senior Sunrise. Class of 2022.

Rachael started her Junior year of college at UMBC. She withdrew from spring semester because online classes were not a good fit and she was glad to be back in person. She is still living in the townhouse near campus with friends.